takeagoodlookaround.

Qs: where's my pride? where's my dignity? where's my self-esteem? where's my confidence?

Sta*: where are you, these little parts of me? where have you gone..?

********************

Photo Taking

i stepped into the room, the lady said

"come on in and place your feet exactly where those 'feet' are. "

(there was a picture of a pair of feet on the floor)

i adjusted myself, faced her, got ready to smile, making sure i got everything i needed;

the right white under-shirt, mascara, curled eyelash, lip balm, necklace, bangle,

earrings..

then she said

"take off your earrings "

i looked at her puzzled.

" yup, take if off huns, it's just a school photo. "

*giggles to her friends*

i glared, thinking

'what's wrong with my earrings?', 'why cant i have it on?' 'it's not thaat big!'

while i took it off, reluctantly.

i'll never forget you lady,

if i could, i would throw my shoes at you,

but nahh, violence doesnt solve anything.

i resolved, thinking to myself, it's okay, she must've been jealous of my earrings.

but it was hard to laugh it off, i was still disappointed. more like "unbelievable *shakes head*".

i saw other girls with nice earrings entering, but i didnt stay to see what'll happen to them. i'll just let it be, let it dissolve in my oh-so-forgetful memory.

ahhh..there goes my last school photo for the year, hope it turns out well. i'll get over it. >.>

*******************

Lessons from *Sta, Learnt from You. Tq~ :)

here's something to learn:

dont ask too much questions when someone is angry/pissed/frustrated/embarassed,

whatever, you get the idea.

they would want to be alone.

asking questions just makes them want to die or disappear or hide in a hole.

they'll tell you when they're ready.

an advice to blur ppl who needs to hear the same thing TWICE to understand

(myself included =]),

ask the person's friend about whatever you wanna know, why she's angry, what happened etc.

because any sign of making he/she repeat herself will make he/she ERUPT. ;D

my experience ahh..? =D

hmm...when im distressed or annoyed,

i'll usually keep it to myself first, find a resolve, and when im ready, ill let it out.

if im not ready to let it out,

i'd have my 'Misss i need a confession tiimmee :'(' with Mel

(but i'll have to make sure that she's not angry/sad/stressed out before i let it out. ;))

if you do anything as said above,

yes, im sure i'd rather be alone than being questioned.

so how do i let out my anger?

eat something sweet.

the more sweeter, the more happy thus the less angry.

and exercise.

the more angry, the more stamina hence the more rounds.

here's another thing to learn:

when someone doesnt want to mention about

a depressing/hurtful/angry event that had happened,

a past they dont want ppl to know or talk about,

dont

hint/make a big fuss/smile/giggle over it

when something related is mentioned or brought up.

a 'RAWR' level up will definitely be guaranteed.

why hint more or make a big fuss out of it when it's already thaat bad enough that he/she doesnt want to talk about it, what more to say from you?

my experience ahh..? =D

mm..

im fine if ppl talk about something related to it.

they dont know what happened anyway, so what's there to blame?

im not fine when someone else, who knows about what happened, starts making a big fuss to the person who brought it up, about bringing up a topic related to what had happened.

i know you're concerned that it might hurt me,

hearing these things, but

if it does hurt me, i'll just close my ears, and walk away or something.

with you doing that, you'll tempt that person to want to know about wad had happened,

and the reason that person dont even know is because i don wan him/her to know about it!

=.="

so now you know, be sure to learn & remember it well.

best thing to do is to keep to yourself, if that person trusts you, then you'll eventually know.

if he/she doesnt, then just find out from someone else. OR u can respect their privacy. LOL

if u dont understand, it's okay, im trying my best anywayz,

im bad at expressing my feelings.

you'd have to go through mazes, curls, sharp turns, etc.

to understand how i feel. x]

********************

All these below applies when i dont have anything better to do.

i wont deny that im carefree.

ask me to go anywhere with you, i dont mind.

i dont have anything to do, or anywhere to go, so why not?

ask me to try eating this, i dont mind. (excluding crabs of course ^^)

i dont have allergies, and i love spicy, so why not?

ask me to call this person for you, i dont mind.

i dont know him/her, vise versa, so why not?

tell me im ugly/fat/stupid, i dont mind.

i have a target, i work towards how i want myself to be, so why not?

ask me to hang clothes, wash dishes, sweep floor, i dont mind.

it would be good exercise for me, and i dont have anything else better to do, so why not?

in simple terms,

if u ask me to do something, as long as it's reasonable, im fine with it.

but lately, reflecting all these events below,...

ask me to clean your room while you dirty my room.

ask me to do stuffs when i am at my limit, while you find ways to drain my energy.

ask me to meet you just because you need something while you close your ears when i need something.

ask me to do something with you, while you sit back and criticize.

ask me to eat something you dont want, while complaining you dont have enough of the thing you want to eat.

ask me to talk to you if i have any problems, while you dont even listen when i do.

ask me to....

the list goes on.

i sometimes wonder if anyone has thought to themselves feeling lucky/blessed to have someone to let out your anger to, to bully, to make fun off, to scream at, to laugh with, to bitch about,

is it because i am carefree? because i dont mind?

right now, i feel worthless, like a tiny tweeny part of everyone's life that would be forgotten later on, but it's okay. i dont mind, even if i want to, i see no use in caring about this.

so my resolve?

i enjoy life. i find something good in anything and everything and improve.

you call me stupid? ugly? fat? slow?

it's okay, let it all out if it bothers you,

i KNOW my standards,

i HAVE my standards,

and i WILL MEET my standards.

that's my challenge, my life, my problem, it does not concern you.

What you see, is what you get

This is me, hey you

If you want me don't forget

You should take me as I am

'Cause I can promise you

Baby what you see is what you get

-Britney Spears

im reminded in caregoup,

that whatever the outcome,

be it good or bad,

God is still in control.

- i hereby shan't show my anger to anyone, if possible.

Through this, the anger inflicted will be on me & me only,

not anyone else.

To not be like a sharp knife stabbing any hearts it can find,

but like a shield shielding you from Sta's rage of any kind.

Special thanks to all those who had to put up with my stupidity, especially my family.

so ask me again,

Qs: where's my pride? where's my dignity? where's my self-esteem? where's my confidence?

Sta*: it's baaaack, it's bounciiiing, and im lovviiin it~!

<3If we win, We Will Praise Him, If we lose, We Will Also Praise Him<3