When she's happy, she chats, laughs, bubbles and brightens everyone's day with happiness and joy.
When she's moody, she stays home and listens to the same sad playlist until her dreams take her far far away to wonderland so that she can start anew the next morning, freshened and all past forgotten.
This girl once said to herself
' I am better left alone when sad or angry. I prefer hurting alone than someone else hurting because of me.'
She has also once thought 'Maybe I am meant to hurt, so everyone else can be happy.'
Many might think it senseless and silly, but to this girl, it made all the sense in the world on that normal day.
She comes into one's life especially when one's heart is aching or when one is feeling lost,
She leads the way to the light, showering many words of wisdom and reasoning encouragement;
this girl provides a listening ear when one needs to let out a whole bucket of rants,
or a shoulder to lean on when one is tired of facing the many rocks and hills of life.
As easily as many prefer to talk and share about their worries and burdens to one like her,
this girl prefers just the opposite. To her, talking about her life brings her nothing but judgement and even more worry. She prefers thinking about them silently, waiting for the signs her God might or might not give, constantly reminding herself that her failures or rejections does not define who she is. People who know her will know that this girl only voices out when she has found an answer to her problem. This girl will say ' I will tell you when I am ready to tell you. As of yet, I am not ready to talk about it and neither do I want to talk about until I am ready to. ' In simple crude words, she really means ' Please leave me alone. '
So dont you agree? This girl really is better left alone when she sad, moody or angry, dont you think?
On one very night, this girl made a mistake.
She had had a very bad day; everything was falling apart, her existence suddenly seemed so pointless.
Countless insults and ridicules were being hurled around in her head.
That very night, this girl decided to be amongst company.
Hoping that by being around company, she might just cheer up,
Hoping that by being around company itself, she might just forget that dreadful day
and share everyone else's happiness.
On that very night as she returned from her company,
this girl realised how ashamed she felt, exposing herself to that very same company.
'What have I done?' 'Why did i go?' 'What was I thinking?' she thought countless times to herself.
Memories of that very night flashed before her eyes;
' Hmm how are you? Are you okay? '
' Dont feel like talking today. Sorry.'
' Hmm..What happened to you..'
' -shrugs- '' Are you okay? Why do you look so sad? '
' This IS. my normal face.'
' Nooo it's not-'
' YES. it is.'
' So do you have anything you'd like to share with us tonight?'
' No.'
' No thoughts on-'
' No.'
' What about you? What did you write?'
' Nothing much.'
' ...ookay '
' .. '
This girl drowned herself in guilt and regret,
she was hating herself for having forgotten what she once promised to herself.
' Every rose has its thorns ' she recited as she listened to her same ole' playlist whenever she feels sad.
' Tonight I have pricked one too many. ' she thought and if she could turn back time just once, she wished she would've stayed home, as she's always had, when she was moody.
Just so they wouldnt have had to see this other side of her...
so they wouldnt have had to question and bring up the dreadful memories of her day...
so they wouldnt have had felt hurt or annoyed, at her cold and neglecting treatment...
so they wouldnt have had to know, this other side of her and mark it down in their memories forever...
She wrapped herself up in her cosy covers, relieved she is back home and away from people, and sighed.
She imagined each and every one of their disapproving face and said her God;
'I am very sorry for acting like this tonight. Im sorry to them as well, I have no excuse to show them such a bad attitude. Im sorry for behaving so rudely.'
As she rolled to the other side of her bed, she added 'Let us hope to pretend that nothing has happened, and come together again next week with nothing but love.'
Before she let her mind wander into the land of dreams,
she recited again, 'Every rose .. has its thorns.. ' only this time, she felt a tiny bit of comfort in knowing how much truth it rings at that point in time.
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